Like most scenarios in life, both nature and nurture contribute to resiliency. We all have a resiliency drive yet, amid the instability of life and without steady cultivation, resiliency tends to be haphazard.

Supplemental to resiliency, we possess a natural survival instinct and four coping strategies–fight, flight, freeze, or face. Each strategy has appropriate uses at specific times and places:

  • When law enforcement officers meet with deadly force, they are licensed to fight with deadly force.
  • When communities meet with natural disaster, they are compelled to flee.
  • When hikers meet with a bear, in some situations they lie prone with hands laced behind the neck and freeze (
  • When friends or loved ones meet with relational problems, they are well-advised to face the issues with rational discussion.

While some of us are more avoidant by nature and others are more confrontational, often we learn to cope with our problems most effectively when we nurture the inclination to FACE them with honesty, sensitivity, and intelligence. Difficulties arise when we choose an approach that others perceive as contemptuous or in some way alienating.

Having a co-creative strategy for addressing problems one at a time gives us a better chance to be understood and to create a win-win situation. Non-violent Communication skills are one part of an overall HEROES method that provides such a strategy:

  • State the nature of the problem without judgment and verify the facts
  • Express the feelings that arise as a result of the problem
  • Describe the need that you wish to be met
  • Make a request for stated comprehension, clarification, or cooperation

“Nonviolent Communication skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to others, as well as how to contribute to relationships based in cooperation and collaboration” (

If you desire a better way of communicating that enables you to resolve problems peaceably, please Contact me, Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for Co-Creative Transformation–Resiliency Coaching–and I will guide you in deciding your approach to the person in question.

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