The Arrogance of Self-Recrimination
As much as I have a vested satisfaction in HEROES, I still feel very much a weight to bring its message to the world. Having spent three days on retreat, I am all too aware of the enjoyment of escaping all the responsibilities and accountable-ities of my life’s work.
I could say that it is obviously an issue of work-life balance. Work-life balance is definitely not an issue for me. Or I could say that it is absolutely normal to take a break from work and return with renewed vigor. Sadly, I did not experience renewed vigor. Or I could tell you that an awakening occurred regarding wasted energy that holds me back, making progress difficult.
The wasted energy pertains to being haunted by uncomfortable or painful incidents, i.e., the things that I have done that I cannot undo. Then I usually punish myself with ruminations about them. At retreat I faced my refusal to forgive myself, and that failure speaks to an arrogance (in reverse). I can forgive others, but my mistakes are so awful, so aberrant, or so stupid; I could not possibly receive forgiveness. I am too special.
That sucks the life energy out of me! Therefore, I am assuming a new practice of responding to the recollection of uncomfortable or painful incidents with recognition of my immature self: “I know you did not know any better. (Or I know that you were hurt and angry)… I forgive you.” Why does such a simple remedy present itself now? Readiness and community. I was ready to mature, and I discussed the matter in community, where my trusted circle of friends helped me to embrace self-foregiveness.
We cannot underestimate the power of community–social ecology. Regarding the issuance of self-forgiveness, I need the embrace of friends to help me to heal. Then I can reclaim the wasted energy that holds me back. If you would like to learn more about social ecology and to reclaim the wasted energy that holds you back, please Contact me, Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for HEROES 101 and I will create a program for you or your organization.
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