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[PREFACE: The relationship did not entail any bickering or unresolved issues. His reliance on the “It’s not you; it’s me” argument brought about his unilateral decision to end the relationship. Given the shock to me, only in retrospect could I put together the two clues and the one gut instinct to which I did not give proper credence.]

I once based my world on the Love of a lifetime. When the object of my affections withdrew, I broke. My long-held dismissal of marriage evoked an attitude that, within the bounds of a relationship, if my partner no longer loves me, then he needs to leave. However, once I felt the bond of Love to which I had laid my soul bare, relinquishing the attachment tore apart my heart and my mind.


Within the laws of the universe, he didn’t do anything to me to which I did not implicitly consent. He owed me nothing but a courteous good-bye. I am the one who based my world on this Love that I felt and that he ultimately did not. I endorsed his freedom to make his own decision about Love, choosing “me” or “not me.” How could I do otherwise?


The disappointment so complete, I am left to puzzle the damage. Political correctness suggests that I wish him well, but I do not.


In fact, I resent that he ever comes to mind, sneaking in when an empty space in my thoughts or something reminiscent occurs. Sadly, his abandonment will never go away so I must manage the impact. The best I can do with the fact that our past will always be part of my life in the sour way that curdled milk feels at the back of the throat–too late to un-swallow–is to put less importance on his interference in the present, neither inviting nor resisting it.


With time I hope that the ill he brought upon me will transform robbery into apathy. If his leaving makes room for a more suitable relationship, my appreciation for the turn of fortune may well instill a cautious optimism.


Now I know what it feels like to be decimated by someone who claimed to have loved me at one point and then chose not to love me when the time came to choose. If you know what it is to grieve for the living and need guidance along the recovery process, please Contact Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for Co-Creative Transformation, and we will invite a paradigm shift that brings clarity.

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