Posts tagged discipline

Ambivalence, Resignation, Or Creative Discontent

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Veterans, Returning Citizens (formerly called Ex-offenders), and Mental Health Consumer/Survivors experience a transition between a controlled environment and civilian life. The adjustment period poses challenges, some more difficult than others. Whatever the differences between these populations and among individuals within them, the transition and, more specifically, the process of adjustment impacts the trajectory of resiliency.

Resiliency Fitness status differs from one person to the next and, for the same person, from one situation to the next. For example, I am a wiz at adapting to an unexpected change of plans but I have difficulty expressing my displeasure with friends and loved ones.

Declines in status may be met by resignation, ambivalence, or creative discontent with disadvantage and the motivation to thrive. And intermediate status may provide a latency period in which, despite appearing inactive, we are actually cultivating our adaptation skills.

Think of a life predicament and figure out your Resiliency Fitness status:

  • Delinquency… We exhibit misbehavior or willful negligence that indicates the rejection of recovery and resiliency, and that harms both self and other (e.g., aggression, vengeance, dishonesty, injustice/crime, addiction);
  • Succumbing… We buckle under the strain of distress that prevents the progress in recovery and resiliency or indicates a reversal in recovery and resiliency (e.g., regression, depression, struggling or stuck, exhaustion);
  • Impairment… We experience a deterioration of coping with distress that indicates an inconsistent level of functioning and uncharacteristic negative changes in attitude, thought, mood, or behavior; overwhelmed);
  • Languishing… We survive with low expectations for recovery and resiliency, tolerating a lackluster existence. We remain risk-averse and tolerate mediocrity lest we upset the seemingly tenuous balance of the status quo;
  • Synthesis… We enjoy stability that indicates successful development of recovery and resiliency, and that enables measured advances in personal mastery; and
  • Thriving… We flourish and prosper with a vitality that encourages calculated risks for the sake of continued personal mastery and indicates the appreciation of challenges.


The keys to recovery and resiliency—the Optimal Experience Strategies of strength, endurance, power, flexibility, balance, grace and so on—inform our practice on the spectrum of Resiliency Fitness status. Resiliency Fitness status differs from one person to the next and, for the same person, from one situation to the next. Declines in status may be met by resignation, ambivalence, or creative discontent. And intermediate status may provide a latency period in which, despite appearing inactive, we are actually cultivating maturity and discipline in order to advance recovery and resiliency.

In order to do so, we proactively develop internal and external resources. Of all the internal resources we can cultivate, maturity and discipline are the most broadly applicable to all situations and perhaps the most challenging to develop. What are the good habits that shape your maturity and discipline?

If you desire better strategies for coping with the crests and shallows of life, please Contact me, Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for Co-Creative Transformation–Resiliency Coaching–and I will guide you in the development of personal mastery.

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Saying “No” for a Higher “Yes”

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  • When a friend suggests getting together spur of the moment when I have made a decision to accomplish some work, I wobble.
  • When I see something non-essential on sale that I would like to have but would not buy at full price because I do not have the discretionary funds, I wobble.
  • When I look at the dessert menu even though I have had enough to eat and have intentions to maintain a more healthful diet, I wobble.


Temptation pulls at us on a regular basis. We can choose to be impulsive and indulge our appetites. It is important at these times to remember our commitments to ourselves and to not betray ourselves.

We can choose to say “no” for a higher “yes.” In doing so, we invite a different sort of satisfaction–the proper discipline and maturity that allows us to accept the challenge to honor our priorities. Then there is satisfaction in keeping order. For this strength, we can reward ourselves with other gestures of self-care.

On occasion we may indulge our impulses. But be sure that the decision to indulge is a conscious choice to forgo the discipline and the challenge to adhere to our priorities. Perhaps a compromise is fitting and the consequences of shifting priorities can be addressed given a change in the short-term plan.

However, if impulsiveness and/or honoring your word prove difficult patterns, first establish a good track record of discipline and maturity. Practice every chance you get: Exercise the strength and power to keep your commitment to yourself; flexibility and balance will come later. Build credibility within yourself and tend the seeds of maturity.

For strategies on how to handle difficult patterns, hire a Resiliency Coach for three months and learn how to navigate discipline and maturity, commitments, and priorities. Contact me, Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for Co-Creative Transformation (Resiliency Coaching) and I will accompany you along the way.

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