Posts tagged pattern

Your Claim To Fame

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The greatest gift that we can ever give to people and the world is the example of our lifeour claim to fame. It is the only gift that, as individuals, we alone can give. The gift speaks to matters of character. Everything that we ever embody–qualities, values, principles, beliefs, opinions, ethics, morals–colors our responsibilities (our ability to respond) and contributions, and our reputation stems from the pattern that we thereby establish.

When people discover that I have a trauma background–challenges, hardships, adversities, illness, injustice–and they also discover that I have become a strong, spiritual, insightful, compassionate, courageous, resourceful, and tenacious individual rather than a bitter and brutalizing one, people ask me how I managed to embrace a Loving legacy.

First, I must confess that, in my darkest times, I have been bitter and brutalizing. There are sins of speech and deed for which I must account, and I live with the burden of remembrance for inexcusable behavior. My conscience, despite apologies, rages at me. Because of this, self-reflection, re-evaluation of my actions, and genuine amends shape my personal development.

Despite occasions of contemptible behavior, my reputation and the overarching example of my life demonstrate my conviction to uplift myself and others. From an early age, I nurtured a curiosity about people who, despite disadvantage, forged an honorable and admirable legacy—Helen Keller, Anne Frank, Martin Luther King, Jr., and everyday people spotlighted in the media. The gifts of others’ examples prompted my resiliency. I further owe my resiliency to my ability to self-reflect, my willingness to seek recovery and accept help, my capacity and desire to give and receive love, and my cultivated gratitude.

Clearly, my life has not proceeded as planned. The story of my life defies all early indicators that I would go on to enjoy a priceless marital partnership, to contribute to society through a stellar career, and to craft a retirement of continuing contributions. Yet there remains a single legacy that I aspire to leave in my wake–this above all else–that I chose Love and loved well.

What is the gift of the example of your lifeyour claim to fame? What is the first next right thing that needs to happen within you in order for you to realize this? What reputation stems from your responsibilities and contributions? What is the legacy you aspire to leave in your wake? We await your inimitable reply!

If you would like to build your character, shape your reputation, and forge a legacy, please Contact me, Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for Co-Creative Transformation, and we will claim your fame together.

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Is That What You Said?!!

In relationship, when I do not listen to my inner voice, my hearing overall is not accurate. Accurate perception requires a clear filter.

What is accurate about our perceptions of others’ words and actions? At best, “accurate” means two or more persons agree on a particular idea or event. Yet even beyond that, individual persons probably associate different inferences and interpretations for themselves.

Why is accurate perception favorable or even important? We rely on other persons to be consistent in their words and actions so that we may build trust. And they in turn rely on us for the same. Moreover, cooperation warrants common agreement in what roles and responsibilities we assume as part of any group.

How do we create accurate perception? When people agree to address any issue(s), a technique can facilitate the process until it becomes habitual. First, take turns talking so that one person feels understood first then the next person has an opportunity to feel understood. Use “I” statements as much as possible, e.g., I feel, I think, I wish. Avoid reverting to old grievances unless the discussion is about a pattern.

  • Speaker: Tell the listener what you perceive of the words/actions. Check with the listener to verify the facts. Sort out the facts before continuing the dialogue. Express how you felt about the facts and the consequences. State what you needed or wanted from the listener or situation, and make a request that will resolve the solution or impact future situations/exchanges.
  • Listener: Put aside concerns for the moment and focus on the speaker. Employ tactics to elicit explanation–listening, inquiring, reflecting, clarifying, and summarizing. Even if the speaker expresses an outrageous claim, avoid reacting impulsively, knowing that you will have a turn to speak.

If difficult situations make it difficult to communicate and cooperate, you are part of the human race. You do have options! Contact Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for Co-Creative Transformation (Resiliency Coaching) and I will help you navigate difficult situations and establish masterful communication habits.

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