Posts tagged perception

Do You See What I See?

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What is stronger than concrete but weaker than love? There is no correct answer, only supposition. Think for a moment before you continue.












I assert PERCEPTION is stronger than concrete but weaker than love.

How is perception stronger than concrete? What is “perception”? … the act or faculty of comprehending by means of the senses or of the mind.” More specifically, I believe that perception is the particular experience of a stimulus—a thing, a sensation, or an issue—from the perspective of a particular person. Two different people may respond to the same stimulus in two different ways. For example, what do you perceive this image to be?


“It is obviously a vase.” “No, it is two heads face-to-face.” “No, it is clearly a vase.” “Yes, I see, but…”

Either way we respond, both perceptions are true. Our point of view or interpretation becomes a Truth which establishes the backbone of our actions and responses in the world. Our Truth informs the thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs, principles and values, emotions, and behaviors that make sense to us. Our Truth informs the way we get our needs and desires met. Our Truth informs our best judgment and our ability to understand and cope with experience.

The aggregate of our perceptions forms the basis of our very lives, and the earlier or greater the impact of our perceptions, the more formative the experience. In this way, perception, like concrete, structures experience and structure provides security. To ensure our security, we will defend our perceptions and insist that we are, at most, correct or, at least, more sensible or more justified than others.

For example, some people believe that climate change is a fiction. Allegations have been made that scientists and institutions involved in global warming research are part of a global scientific conspiracy or engaged in a manipulative hoax. Some of us contest the conspiracy theory and perceive abundant evidence that climate change currently threatens planet Earth as predicted. In this matter, perception may be stronger than concrete.

How is perception weaker than love? What is “love”? … a feeling of warm personal attachment and affection. More specifically, “love” to me means a warm personal attachment based on trust and good will that promotes personal growth for the parties involved.

When we love, we assign credibility to another, and we allow ourselves to feel vulnerable to another. In doing so, we become susceptible to influence. Our perceptions may become flexible, and our thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs, principles and values, emotions, and behaviors may shift. For example, we may change our attitudes and habits about diet and exercise, convert to a different religion, or bend our political leanings.

Whether we unconsciously wish to avoid conflict and to be accepted, whether we feel confused and undecided, or whether we intentionally shift our perspective, we may be more receptive to what a loved one has to say than to what a stranger has to say. In this way, when attachment based on trust and good will are at stake, perception may be weaker than love.

Do you have STRENGTH and FLEXIBILITY to establish your point of view and to receive others’ points of view even if they contradict established interpretation of reality. If striking this balance challenges or confuses you, Contact Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for Co-Creative Transformation, and we will bring clarity to your perceptions.

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The Face of Resiliency

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Like most scenarios in life, both nature and nurture contribute to resiliency. We all have a resiliency drive yet, amid the instability of life and without steady cultivation, resiliency tends to be haphazard.

Supplemental to resiliency, we possess a natural survival instinct and four coping strategies–fight, flight, freeze, or face. Each strategy has appropriate uses at specific times and places:

  • When law enforcement officers meet with deadly force, they are licensed to fight with deadly force.
  • When communities meet with natural disaster, they are compelled to flee.
  • When hikers meet with a bear, in some situations they lie prone with hands laced behind the neck and freeze (http://www.wikihow.com/Escape-from-a-Bear).
  • When friends or loved ones meet with relational problems, they are well-advised to face the issues with rational discussion.

While some of us are more avoidant by nature and others are more confrontational, often we learn to cope with our problems most effectively when we nurture the inclination to FACE them with honesty, sensitivity, and intelligence. Difficulties arise when we choose an approach that others perceive as contemptuous or in some way alienating.

Having a co-creative strategy for addressing problems one at a time gives us a better chance to be understood and to create a win-win situation. Non-violent Communication skills are one part of an overall HEROES method that provides such a strategy:

  • State the nature of the problem without judgment and verify the facts
  • Express the feelings that arise as a result of the problem
  • Describe the need that you wish to be met
  • Make a request for stated comprehension, clarification, or cooperation

“Nonviolent Communication skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to others, as well as how to contribute to relationships based in cooperation and collaboration” (https://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations).

If you desire a better way of communicating that enables you to resolve problems peaceably, please Contact me, Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for Co-Creative Transformation–Resiliency Coaching–and I will guide you in deciding your approach to the person in question.

LIKE us on our Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/HEROESresiliency

Is That What You Said?!!

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In relationship, when I do not listen to my inner voice, my hearing overall is not accurate. Accurate perception requires a clear filter.

What is accurate about our perceptions of others’ words and actions? At best, “accurate” means two or more persons agree on a particular idea or event. Yet even beyond that, individual persons probably associate different inferences and interpretations for themselves.

Why is accurate perception favorable or even important? We rely on other persons to be consistent in their words and actions so that we may build trust. And they in turn rely on us for the same. Moreover, cooperation warrants common agreement in what roles and responsibilities we assume as part of any group.

How do we create accurate perception? When people agree to address any issue(s), a technique can facilitate the process until it becomes habitual. First, take turns talking so that one person feels understood first then the next person has an opportunity to feel understood. Use “I” statements as much as possible, e.g., I feel, I think, I wish. Avoid reverting to old grievances unless the discussion is about a pattern.

  • Speaker: Tell the listener what you perceive of the words/actions. Check with the listener to verify the facts. Sort out the facts before continuing the dialogue. Express how you felt about the facts and the consequences. State what you needed or wanted from the listener or situation, and make a request that will resolve the solution or impact future situations/exchanges.
  • Listener: Put aside concerns for the moment and focus on the speaker. Employ tactics to elicit explanation–listening, inquiring, reflecting, clarifying, and summarizing. Even if the speaker expresses an outrageous claim, avoid reacting impulsively, knowing that you will have a turn to speak.

If difficult situations make it difficult to communicate and cooperate, you are part of the human race. You do have options! Contact Vanessa Landau, Resiliency Trainer, for Co-Creative Transformation (Resiliency Coaching) and I will help you navigate difficult situations and establish masterful communication habits.

LIKE us on our Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/HEROESresiliency

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